The lists. The lists that are constantly in my head about what all needs to be done for the day, the week, the year...they never end. I think this is termed mental load? I carry a lot of mental load to make sure the day runs as smoothly as possible and everyone has what they need. So what about me? Where do I fit in to make sure my needs are met and I have time for me? If I want to experience amazing then I need to carve that time out. That may mean that I don't cook all the meals, the laundry will have to wait, or maybe the house isn't as picked up as it needs to be. I'm okay with that. I am working to make sure that I surround myself with people and things that bring me joy so that I can be present in all aspects of my life. For the first time I do not experience the mom guilt of taking a few hours to attend a workshop, draw, or work on my side projects. It feels really nice to give myself the grace to be selfish. Because I am finding my joy I am now finding that I am enjoying the daily grind a bit more. I can do this because I am looking forward to the next thing that I get to do to achieve my goals. I'm also at a point where I feel like I can take control of my physical health more. I attribute a lot of my growth to my support system (you know who you are) and me being able to focus on my creative side. I still have a long way to go but I am seeing a lot of positive changes and growth in myself and my art. As art is a reflection of my thoughts and feelings, I can see how much I am improving. I have several projects, exhibits, and marketing in the works and am really feeling myself with what I have accomplished in such a short amount of time. Not sure if I am adding to my mental load, but it does feel more manageable when I am happy and confident with myself. I feel like I belong.
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